“It could be worse”
“At least this isn’t as bad as what ____________ is going through”
“You’re not tired, you’re lazy.”
“I’ve been in worse situations before”
“I’m lucky, I have a roof over my head and food on the table, so stop complaining."
“Other people are going through this and making it work, I should be able to, too.”
Have you been saying these things to yourself?
You’re not the only one. I’ve had clients tell me how they’re feeling and what they’ve been doing that “should” work but hasn’t and they have no idea why or how everyone else seems capable of coping more easily under the same circumstances. This self-talk isn’t helping you move forward, it’s keeping you stuck because you think that it’s what you should be telling yourself to push through these tough times. Guess what? I’m on your side no matter what and it’s time for you to see your feelings are valid and learn how to trust them rather than judge them whether or not they make sense. When we’re criticizing our feelings and pushing them down, they don’t stay buried and eventually need a release, like a release valve. Having an extra pair of objective ears can help you become aware of when you’re getting stuck in negative self-talk and help process your feelings consistently so that the release valve doesn’t blow when you’re least expecting it.
Your negative self-talk isn’t actually helping you bounce back, it’s weighing you down. I know it probably feels like you’re doing yourself a favour, telling yourself what you think others are going to think or say about you so you can brace yourself for the reaction or judgment when you share what’s really been going on with you. We’re our own toughest critics but I bet right now being punished, shamed or judged is not going to help you grow through what you’re going through.
I primarily use solution-focused therapy so we can identify solutions, as opposed to dwelling on what mistakes you feel you’ve made or how to move forward when it’s felt impossible. I will also help you understand that the circumstances you’re in don’t define who you are or who you can be. It’s not too late to make meaningful changes. I will help you create tools that are unique to your needs and that you understand so you feel more capable of putting these tools into action. I want to create an atmosphere in our counselling work where you feel safe to learn how to grow through what you’re going through.
I’m so glad you’re ready to take this step and I can’t wait to hear from you, so give me a call for a free 15-minute consultation!